A Message by Rev.
Greg Moser
Given to
May 9, 2010
“WHAT HE MUST BE…
if he wants to marry
my daughter”
Taken from Voddie Baucham’s book
by same title (Crossway Books)
INTRO: What will you say…when that certain young man sits down
in your living room and asks permission
to marry your daughter? What criteria
should he meet? Should your SON meet?
I.
HE MUST BE A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST
·
I’m willing to
give and take—Height, Hair color, Amount of Hair, Doesn’t have to be from
Roanoke, Not a Redskin fan, or Orioles fan, or VT fan, BUT…MUST be a
CHRISTIAN!!
·
Most women
will agree for the most part, but others will state that their situation is
different.
·
Categories for
Exceptions to not being Unequally Yoked:
1) He is an
answer to prayer.
§
My question
is, “Were you asking God for the right things in a man?”
2) He treats
me better than the Christian men I’ve dated.
§
Were these
“Christian men” really Christians?
§
Maybe they
were immature believers.
3) My family
and/or friends love him.
§
Shame on them
if they didn’t have this basic characteristic as a standard!
§
They failed
you if this is the case.
4) We have a
child together.
§
Most difficult
situation.
§
Two wrongs
don’t make a right. (Grace!)
5) I’ll win
him to the Lord.
§
This is the
exception rather than the rule.
§
You are still
violating God’s commands.
§
Most of the
time it is an excuse to do what you want to do anyway.
·
No matter how
convincing or emotionally charged the objection, marriage to an unbeliever must
NEVER be considered an option.
·
What Has God Said?
(2 Cor. 6:14-18, 1 Cor. 7:39)
·
Paul uses five
(5) illustrations in 2 Cor. 6 to clarify:
1) Righteousness vs. Lawlessness
2) Light vs. Darkness
3) Christ vs. Belial
4) Believer vs. Unbeliever
5)
“The way
of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord, but He loves him who pursues
righteousness. There is severe
discipline for him who forsakes the way.”
Proverbs 15:9-10
·
As a believer,
our greatest delight will always be found in our obedience to His Word.
·
Any man who
has truly been converted/saved will inevitably bear the marks of that
conversion in the form of a changed life.
·
A man should
show evidence, not of a life that has never been marred by sin, but a life that
is not CHARACTERIZED by it.
II.
HE MUST BE PREPARED TO LEAD
“Wives,
be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as
Christ also is the head of the church.”
Ephesians 5:22-23
·
Parents must
defend, and teach, male headship in marriage because it will have a tremendous
impact on the marriages their children form, the children they raise, and the
legacy they leave.
The Evidence for Male Headship
·
The Woman Was Made For the Man (Gen.
2:18-20)
·
The Woman Was Made After the Man (Gen.
2:21-22)
·
The Woman Was Made From the Man (Gen.
2:21-22)
·
The Woman Was Brought To the Man (Gen. 2:22)
·
The Woman Was Named By the Man (Gen. 2:23)
·
What’s at
stake?
o
John Piper and
Wayne Grudem: “We are concerned not merely with the behavioral roles of men and
women, but also with the underlying nature of manhood and womanhood themselves. Biblical truth and clarity in this matter are
important because error and confusion over sexual identity leads to: (1) marriage patterns that do not portray the
relationship between Christ and the church; (2) parenting practices that do not
train boys to be masculine or girls to be feminine; (3) homosexual tendencies
and increasing attempts to justify homosexual alliances; (4) patterns of
unbiblical female leadership in the church that reflect and promote the
confusion over the true meaning of manhood and womanhood.”
·
Male headship
is important for two (2) reasons:
o
Any young man
who UNDERVALUES male headship is not likely to lead his family.
o
Any young man
who OVERVALUES male headship is likely to abuse my daughter and/or my
grandchildren.
·
God calls MEN
to lead their households. It is
incumbent upon us to lead our daughters toward men who understand and are
committed to exercising biblical headship.
How?
o
We must teach our daughters the true meaning of
biblical submission. It’s not automatic, it must be taught (Titus
2:3-5).
o
We must model effective headship. It will be
difficult for our daughters to pursue something they’ve never seen.
III.
HE MUST LEAD LIKE CHRIST
·
Paul presents
the marriage relationship as a living, breathing illustration of the
relationship between Christ and His church.
How Must He Lead?
1.
Lead in LOVE
ü
Young men
should ask a father’s permission BEFORE they begin the courtship process, not
after they have completed it.
Ø
The Bible
makes it clear that fathers are to give their daughters in marriage (Jeremiah
29:6).
ü
Train your
daughters so that when a young man asks her out, she immediately tells him that
he must talk to you first.
2.
Lead in THE WORD
3.
Lead in RIGHTEOUSNESS
ü
He must be
like Christ—pursuing holiness.
ü
How do you
intend to lead your wife to a righteous life?
ü
A young man’s goal should be to “present her
to Christ in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she
might be holy and without blemish.” Eph.
5:27
4.
Lead in SELFLESSNESS
ü
A sure test of selflessness is the way in
which a man conducts himself throughout the courtship process.
ü
A selfless man
will be characterized by patience, restraint, and an eagerness to do what is
best for the object of his affections.
5.
Lead in INTIMACY
ü
Parents who
prioritize their children over their marriage are inadvertently teaching their
children not to prioritize marriage.
IV.
HE MUST BE COMMITTED TO CHILDREN
·
What was the 1st
command that God gave to man? “Be
fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28)
·
We get to
represent our Creator God as we procreate.
·
Does this
young man like children? Is he bothered
by them? Is he thinking about what kind
of mother this young lady will be for his children?
V.
HE MUST PRACTICE THE FOUR P’s
1.
PROTECTOR
ü
HE MUST BE A
MAN OF PERSONAL HOLINESS
Ø
Otherwise, he
will be ignorant as to the many things from which she needs to be protected.
ü
HE MUST BE A
MAN OF TRUE GENTLENESS
Ø
Gentleness is
strength under control.
Ø
One of the
things a woman must be protected from is her husband’s potential to deal
harshly with her.
ü
HE MUST BE A
MAN OF GENUINE COMPASSION
ü
HE MUST BE A
MAN OF TRUE BRAVERY
2.
PROVIDER
ü
“If anyone
does not provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his household,
he had denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8
ü
HE MUST HAVE A
JOB
ü
HE MUST HAVE A
GOOD WORK ETHIC
ü
HE MUST HAVE A
FINANCIAL PLAN
3.
PRIEST
ü
HE MUST PRAY
WITH AND FOR HIS FAMILY
Ø
Needs to fight
for his family on his knees.
Ø
Dads, pray
with the young man who wants to court your daughter.
4.
PROPHET
ü
The most
important means is through family worship.
CONCLUSION:
·
Fathers must
help their daughters in at least three ways:
1)
We must teach
our daughters what biblical purity is—not just physically, but in their thought
life and speech as well.
2)
We must
encourage our daughters to be pure and to present themselves as virgin brides.
3)
We must
protect our daughters from situations in which their purity might be
compromised.
§
How wise is it
for us to encourage our daughters to present themselves to young men in
unsupervised, premature dating situations if our goal is their purity?
·
Teach them to
have “Kingdom-minded” relationships!
·
Mom’s/Dad’s…what
do you need to start doing differently?
What changes need to take place?
·
They will
never be what you aren’t modeling.